You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
