dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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