this just has baby written all over it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
