Don't you send me to vm
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
