I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
