My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
