Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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