I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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