some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
