just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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