And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
