You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
