Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
