I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
that is very illegal...i love you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
