At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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