I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
