Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
