White coat. Heels.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
