Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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