THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
