Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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