I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
