I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
