I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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