I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize