I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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