look no pants
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
