I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
