Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
