We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
