Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
