shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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