I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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