i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
