You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
