i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
