WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
