dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
