LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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