Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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