Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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