first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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