im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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