I'm passing your future prison.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
