And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
