I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
