so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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