I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
