Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
