did you get engaged???
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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