Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
