There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
