but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm both gender and math confused
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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