she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
