I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
