Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
