come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
