Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
