At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
