My liver just broke up with me...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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