Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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