Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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