She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
