You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have post one night stand depression
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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