Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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