I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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