how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
