Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
