You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
