Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
