Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
