Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
