oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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