I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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