I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
