Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk is a universal language darling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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