its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
