i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
